Blueberry Lemon Decadence

So, being back in upstate New York has brought me (Robert) back to the realization that I did indeed miss my home, even with how much fun I had this summer at Pine.  Why?  Free food.  My friends too, but free food.

Newly inspired by my summer's culinary experiments, I returned (directly to my local Hannaford) with a desire to do one thing:  watch Drawn Together in bed with a carafe of red wine.  And by that, I mean cook.  I felt like a kid in a candy store; like Ann Coulter when she sheds her exoskeleton after a long day of preying on lesser peoples.

But in all seriousness, I was down to cook.

What did I make?  More importantly, what didn't I make.  I had sautéed kale, mushrooms, fettucine with shrimp, grilled steak, risotto... the possibilities became endless; and, needless to say, I quelled my gluttonous cravings to an extent only paralleled by competitive eating festivals.

What I didn't plan, though, was the gastronomical orgy known as my last night's munchies.

Yes, I will admit, I've been staying up until the wee hours these past two weeks.  No, I don't mean 2 or 3 in the morning.  I'm talking about 4, 5, and 6.  One day I made it to 9:45.  Anyway, it goes without saying that I had more than a midnight snack, and on the regular.  Rather, I commenced a personal tradition of fourthmeal.  Though, to make myself feel better about my life decisions, I will state that these fourthmeals were, for me, more like dinners (resultant of a nocturnal shift in my sleeping patterns).

So, last night when I came downstairs in an online-shopping- and Tumblr-induced hunger-pang stupor, this little lady had some decisions to make.  What did she decide?  Blueberry greek yogurt.

And so, as I peeled off the foil lid of my dairy delight, I was struck with thinspiration.  I said to myself, "Precious, why not indulge?"  So I did.  And the result?  Mindblowing.  Based on the novel Push by Sapphyre.

Blueberry Lemon Decadence

Ingredients:

1 Blueberry Greek Yogurt
5 Maria cookies (made by Goya, can be found in most "hispanic" or ethnic sections of the supermarket)
1/4 lemon (save peel for garnish, if desired)
Honey
Maple Syrup
Cardamom (ground)
Cinnamon (or cinnamon sugar, if you have a sweet tooth)
Dried lemon peel
Cloves (ground)

So yes, I feel a little bit like my governor's semi-alcoholic semi-homemade semi-nauseating semi-spouse/girlfriend Sandra Lee with this semi-store-bought "recipe."  On a side note, I learned yesterday that recently at some meeting thing Governor Cuomo introduced her to my dad as "Sandy."  1, Why wasn't I there, and 2, she would.  I just... I just don't know.  She's a trainwreck (though biiiitch can she set a mean table).  But all Food Network qualms aside, don't think you're settling because you're preparing something in a plastic container bought from a store.  Hey, New York factoid: Chobani and Fage [and Siggi's, actually, my favorite Icelandic yogurt] all source their milk from New York dairy farms.  YEAH LOCAL AGRICULTURE WUDDUP.

So we commence:

1. Remove lid from yogurt.
2. Do not stir, nor remove any residual liquid from top of yogurt.
3. Add a few pinches of each of the four spices, so that each has a considerable dusting on top (you want to taste it, don't you??)  I would guess I used around two teaspoons cinnamon, and around a half or full teaspoon of the other three.

4.  To make sure the spices are dispersed evenly, rub the top of the yogurt around with a spoon.  The yogurt's top liquid will serve as a perfect solvent to make a nice, spiced, soupy mixture.
5.  Drizzle on a desired amount of honey (I recommend one or two teaspoons) and spread in a similar fashion.
6.  Crush three of the Maria cookies into a fine crumbling/ dust, directly onto yogurt, then flatten to form a lookalike crisp topping.
7.  Drizzle a small amount of maple syrup over the cookie topping - about enough so that you can make a decorative criss-cross pattern (don't bother being too artsy - you won't see it anyway).

Now, the fun part.

8. Run a knife around the edge of the inside of the yogurt container to free the yogurt from the plastic; and, placing a shallow bowl over the top of the container, flip yogurt over and smack the top several times to free it.
9. Your yogurt should now look like a slightly overweight purple volcano.  Squeeze the quarter lemon, or less if you're not a huge lemon person, over the top.
10.  If you're feeling adventurous, top with a sprinkling of cinnamon sugar or a lemon peel twist.
11. Eat immediately in one of two fashions:  Either eat like a custard, or [my suggested path] scoop heaping amounts up with leftover Maria cookies and eat yogurt as a makeshift dip.  You should only need two or three.  Remember, it's about the yogurt.  Though Maria cookies are amazing.

You will never look at yogurt the same way.